There are a lot of genres in fiction. On genres: Think you know them all? You probably don't. I’m going to take the position that many (most?) of us writers don’t know that. We know the basic ones, right? Fantasy, Horror, Mystery, Thrillers, Magical Realism, Literary Fiction, Science Fiction, etc. Earlier this week I found out that there was something called “Sports Romance.” Someone on social media was asking for a recommendation for a sports romance novel that wasn’t a hockey sports romance. Of this, this person was adamant. I guess they don’t like hockey sticks. Or pucks. I guess he or she said puck that, I’ve had enough fights on ice—can’t we all just hug it out instead of punching each other and then hugging it out! I can’t take another icing call! Or something like that. These lines were taken directly from hockey romance novels:
"He's infuriatingly hot, famously grumpy and lives to spar with me after every game".
"But shining up his rough edges is my path to landing the promotion I desperately need".
"The only thing worse than hooking up with a player is falling head over heels for him".
And this one, which is my favorite:
"Apparently, tequila and matrimony don’t mix. But despite my Rochester Riot buddies begging me to forget all about it, destroy the evidence and fly home to fulfill my NHL dreams, I don’t want a divorce."
I’m not going to name the authors or the books—I don’t want to bash anyone directly. But I just don’t get it. Sorry. Not even a little bit.
I’m sure this sounds snobby. It is. But WTF? And these are the tame lines. If I included the more . . . sexually charged lines, I think I’d have to sanitize my keyboard, not only for the smuttiness of the lines but because of how bad the lines are in general. Trust me—google some hockey romance novel lines so you can get visuals you’ll never be able to rid your brain of no matter how hard you try.
I guess they don’t like hockey sticks. Or pucks. I guess he or she said puck that, I’ve had enough fights on ice
Hockey Romances aside, it got me thinking. What other off-the-wall/original genres were really out there? Or subgenres, anyway. So, I thought I’d make a list. If you read any of these, please, feel free to educate me on why they’re so popular or why you find them enjoyable. Some of these are less . . . bizarre/more common than others, but I thought I’d list them out anyway, as I thought some of these should just be categorized under one of the higher-level genres:
1. Sword and Sorcery
2. Body Horror
3. Creepy Kids
4. Extreme Horror (isn’t the point of horror to be . . . extreme?)
5. Hauntings
6. Lovecraftian (I get this is based on H.P. Lovecraft’s version of aliens, etc. but still)
7. Psychic Abilities
8. Quiet Horror
9. Bumbling Detective
10. Cozy
11. Culinary (I mean, as an ex cook, I’m all for a murdered victim covered in Brie, but c’mon!)
12. Disabled
13. Furry Sleuth (Yeah, really. Told from an animal’s point of view). Isn’t that a kid’s mystery book? Apparently, it’s a subgenre of cozy mysteries. SMH.
14. Howdunit – No comment here.
15. Locked Room (I feel like I’m in one right now)
16. Billionaire Romance (yea, we all know Fifty Shades of Grey and it’s great writing.
17. Inspirational –sorry, I read to forget my problems and read about other people’s problems
18. Regency – Set during the British Regency (1811-1820) or early 19th century. Okay.
19. Biopunk – Sounds cool, I suppose.
20. Wagon Train – isn’t that a Western? Apparently not. Apparently, pioneers must go from the East to the West, have budding romances, and feuds between travelers. Sounds like a Western to me. What happens if they go south instead? Even, say, for just an hour? Hm.
Now, I get that they’re more specific and more easily defined because they’re descriptive, but, in my opinion, you can go down a rabbit-hole of specificity that would never end. For me, that’s just too much. Horror may not be horror, but by God it’s horror. Cricket Romance may not be a regular romance novel, but it is Romance. Have we really come to this? Can’t we just stick to the top-level genres and drop a keyword in Amazon or Google if we want to read a Science Fiction novel about three-legged brindle kittens taking over planet kibble with their albino laser eyes?
Cully Perlman is an author, blogger, and substantive editor. He can be reached at Cully@novelmasterclass.com